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I now reside in Birmingham, Alabama, with my girlfriend, Elise. On the stud spectrum I call myself a stud because when I came out that was the only term around to describe a dominant lesbian of color. My preference would be to date someone who is dominant but also feminine. It really turns me off that when I dated femmes I was the unable to express myself as a woman. A lot of femmes not all think that because you dress like a man and have masculine ways, that that means you want to be a man.
I had to play hard core and pretend to be unemotional all the while I was actually dying inside.
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To be honest, I dated her with the intention of experimentation. I was intrigued by the butch-femme dynamic that seemed to be so steeped in lesbianism and wanted to see what it would be like. Looking back, I realize how shallow and selfish I was to use her in satisfying my own curiosity, but the universe got me back when I ended up falling hard for a woman who had never so much as used concealer to cover a zit. I had no choice but to broaden my perspective in order to see things through her eyes.
My intention is to provide you with things to consider when choosing to date a butch woman; things that you might not have considered before. All guidelines go out the window if you are not in a safe and equitable relationship. These rules are only to be followed if you have a mutual trust and respect. I am presuming that, in choosing your partner, you have found someone who makes it her priority to maintain the best interest of your relationship.
If not, the rules are clearly not applicable. Butch women are well aware of how the world views them. Simply dressing and grooming for a butch woman can be a political statement—she is saying that the socially constructed version of womanhood does not define her. The confidence she has now has probably been hard-won. She has likely experienced her fair share of negativity at the cost of being true to herself. Much like being a butch woman requires a certain level of confidence and security, so does loving one.
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Being gay in Greensboro, North Carolina, is pretty simple: The LGBT community is small, so people like who they like, explained Robin, a year-old black lesbian who was taken aback when she relocated to Atlanta a few years ago. For starters, Atlanta women were into labels. Further, those labels limited socially acceptable couples to one type — a butch and a femme. Heteronormative gender roles are a signature of lesbian circles, influencing everything from body language to hairstyle.
In the love department, dapper studs date sultry femmes, according to decades-old cultural rules that have a particularly strong foothold among black LGBT women. More masculine-presenting black lesbians are embracing the idea of romance between butch women. Stud for stud — or S4S — women are showing up on TV shows, forming online groups and openly turning their backs on rules that say Ms. Right must carry a purse. Insiders say such relationships are old news among whites.
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In just a few years, the rise of lesbian dating apps has changed how queer women find other women. As a CEO of a lesbian matchmaking agency who spends much of her time working on ways to bring the women together, I love this! The conundrum is that while while reading and swiping can provide a satisfaction for “putting yourself out there,” it’s actually slowly eroding your confidence and sometimes creating more feelings of alienation than hope. My attempt in this blog post, is to provide you a simple road map and options to start or continue your journey without feeling disillusioned or alienated.
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Find Happiness with Our Online Dating Services for Lesbians True compatibility means knowing that you and your partner share the same core values and outlook on life. Dating requires a certain amount of vulnerability. Masculine identified women are well aware of how the world views them. I was hoping that, by overgeneralizing things, I would open the door for others to join in and comment their thoughts on these labels — and I appreciate your idea that this was a shallow list.
Lesbian Dating – This system narrows the field from thousands of candidates to a select group of lesbian women. Lesbian labels span a wide spectrum. At the far-masculine end, we have the butch lesbians: The ones who look and act like men. At the far-feminine end, we have the lipstick lesbians: The ones who are often misappropriated as straight women. After a bit of examination, we should be able to determine the primary differences and start addressing our partners by the appropriate terms as long as the term is one they agree with; remember, labels are a very personal thing, and no one can assign a label to someone else.
This is a different category than trans men, as we have addressed in a previous article, but society may tend to lump the two together. Shortly after coming out, I made the mistake of telling a stone-butch that she was pretty — and she was rather offended! Butch women are also likely to have more masculine interests as well.
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I actually tricked one of my best friends into writing the majority of this blog for me. We were discussing the topic and she emailed me her experiences. She was kind enough to let me repost her email because she touches on the points I wanted to bring up. Looking forward to any readers input. This is also for all the femmes and girls of all labels that are attracted to butches and studs. So on this Stud vs. Butch conversation, I am just going to give you my history from a rural experience with these labels and how I view them from my femme perspective.
In looking at the pictures of the past and meeting various women, I found most were comfortable falling into one of these two categories and it was almost expected. Any couple who did not fit into these roles were looked upon with discomfort in the lesbian community, and in some cases being isolated out. When two butches got together, it was a lot of uncomfortable silence. It also described an attitude.
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Butch and femme are terms used in the lesbian subculture  to ascribe or acknowledge a masculine butch or feminine femme identity with its associated traits, behaviors, styles, self-perception, and so on. This concept has been called a “way to organize sexual relationships and gender and sexual identity”. Both the expression of individual lesbians of butch and femme identities and the relationship of the lesbian community in general to the notion of butch and femme as an organizing principle for sexual relating varied over the course of the 20th century.
The word femme is taken from the French word for woman. The word butch , meaning “masculine”, may have been coined by abbreviating the word butcher , as first noted in George Cassidy’s nickname, Butch Cassidy. There is debate about to whom the terms butch and femme can apply, and particularly whether transgender individuals can be identified in this way. For example, Jack Halberstam argues that transgender men cannot be considered butch, since it constitutes a conflation of maleness with butchness.
He further argues that butch—femme is uniquely geared to work in lesbian relationships. On the other hand, writer Jewelle Gomez mused that butch and femme women in the earlier twentieth century may have been expressing their closeted transgender identity. Scholars such as Judith Butler and Anne Fausto-Sterling suggest that butch and femme are not attempts to take up “traditional” gender roles.
Instead, they argue that gender is socially and historically constructed, rather than essential, “natural”, or biological. The femme lesbian historian Joan Nestle argues that femme and butch may be seen as distinct genders in and of themselves. It is not uncommon for women with a butch appearance to face harassment or violence. BUTCH Voices, a national conference for “individuals who are masculine of center”, including gender variant , was founded in